The greatest gift of the manosphere and the redpill content is that it avails knowledge that men used to get in their 40s to men far younger, some even in their 20s. Most men don’t know how lucky they are.
In the past, most men married some bad women, winged it with them, only to realise in their 40s that they had made a terrible mistake. Many such men either became violent, chose dysfunction( bred from alcobolism), or becoming a cranky, old curmudgeon. Many chose silence.
Recently, you saw Michelle Obama talk about the sacrifices she made in her marriage to the future president of America. But Obama never told us what he had to put up with. Mothers born in the 50s and 60s unplugged their daughters from the marriage mindset, feeding them the notion that marriage was a bad deal, but fathers never told their sons these things. Until Amerix, Kibe, and the entire manosphere happened.
Here we are. And here are a few things we can learn from older men who made mistakes and blunders, and how we, men my generation, can forestall ourselves.
- Putting Your Family Before You
All men were taught to sacrifice. Wife and kids before themselves. Most men work, put their family in a good neighbourhood, kids to good schools, and use whatever little remaining on the brown bottles. They don’t save. They don’t build themselves. Their family is the alpha and omega. I know many married men burdened by family obligations they can’t even afford a good shirt.
Twenty years later, the man is 55, almost retiring, the pension is not enough, maybe he got divorced or wife disengaged from him. You know this semi-married men who live in the village, wife in the city and kids don’t give a damn about him? Now, he can’t remarry, can’t afford a domestic worker, unless his sister sends him his some hapless niece to help him. And this doesn’t even happen anymore.
It is OK to give your family the best. Do it. But never ever forget yourself. Every percentage you invest in your family, invest as much on yourself. Buy yourself good clothes, eat good food, travel. Do what pleases you. Life is not a rehearsal.
- Leading an Expensive and Unsustainable Lifestyle
More than half the men who live in middle-class neighbourhoods will at some point in their lives downgrade. If you didn’t come from money or you are in a sustainable business, paying high rents, taking kids to the most expensive school wife wants, always sets up so many men for failure. Remember as Chris Rock said, men don’t go back to bad sex, just as women don’t go back on lifestyle. The lifestyle you give your wife in your late 20s and early 30s is what she expects or and you must outdo yourself in an age where hypergamy starts at 100 percent.
Good schools are fine if you can afford them. Let the kids meet and mingle with other kids from rich families. Let them know how to swim. French lessons? Absolutely. Dancing and music? Why not.
But the most important thing you can leave your kids is an inheritance and intact family of dad and mom. But middle-class has its own pressure. To sustain that life as a man, you have to work hard. Hard work means absence. Absence can breed resentment where wife teams up with kids and tells them you were never there for them. Finding balance can he hard.
The better thing to do is to choose a sustainable lifestyle, build a home, choose affordable and modest schools. Otherwise, you will be drained and in the likely event you lose your job, or you become incapacitated, you will be dumped and left with nothing. All your previous sacrifices mean nothing. Remember.
- Staying in One Job for Too Long/Quitting Too Soon
Before I turned 30, I had a good job. Then one day some unsmiling Ugandan dude who works for some top audit firm came to our organisation and told us that the company will be downscaling. I saw men in their 40s and 50s, worried sick. Those loans. Kids in boarding schools. It was a bad sight being forced into voluntary early retirement. There is no such a thing as voluntary in forced retirement. It was my cue to quit employment. The next years haven’t been exactly smooth, but I have learnt to hustle.
Unless you work for government or an institution where you have a permanent and pensionable job, corporates will keep downscaling their operations. Technology will render many of us superfluous or useless in our jobs. Always have an exit plan, or think of ways you can better yourself. Take those free trainings online, build yourself constantly. Don’t sit around, numbed by promotions and the billions the company is making. Nobody is too good for their employer that they can’t be shown the door. Be self-aware to know when to quit, onto the next best thing.
Maybe you want to start a business. Maybe there is another beautiful offer. Maybe you can’t stand your new boss.
Frustrations and all.
Many people have left their jobs in haste, over-trusted their business acumen or the rarity of their skills, hoping they will get a job as soon as possible.
Starting a business is good on paper. But running it can give you proper character development. Sometimes, the job you hoped to get can be given to the boss’s clande after a meeting in an hotel. It is the way of life.
If you have to quit for business, ensure the business is running and on its feet, or you have enough reserves to last you up to two years.
Remember you are alone. Don’t make moves depending on your wife or some external help.
Either way, don’t stay in one job for too long without moving to the next level of your career, or don’t leave too soon without a plan.
Sometimes a ship is safe in its harbour. But ships are more beneficial when they are moving through the high seas. Your call.
- Staying in a Bad Marriage Hopingg for. Miracle
Hope is a horrible strategy where action is required. Most of us pick our first wives wrong. The wives too don’t pick us because they love us. Either she was broke and you had a good job, or the biological cloxk made her move a tad in haste, or she got pregnant. Hirribke basic for marriage. Five to ten years after marriage, many couples are disappointed in each other. Except that if your wife is disappointed in you and has the means to leave, she will leave like tomorrow in the evening. Most men don’t know how to walk away from a marriage that no longer serves their interests in an unhealthy way.
Most men avoid action. Avoid confrontation. Some choose alcoholism or drugs, hoping she will go away. Some become violent. Anything but do the right thing: Leave.
It is the lack of courage, the fear of societal judgement, the justified and understandable love for kids that make men stay.
By doing this, they ruin their mental and physical health, ruin their productivity and even their self-esteem when the wife will eventually leave.
If their comes a time when the vision of your wife and yours do not align, where you feel like you are not reading from the same script more than half the time for a considerable amount of time, get off that thing son. It is better to break off in good terms and parent the children separately than to stick around and find out what most men learn the hard way. Every bitter and resentful divroced man out here can tell you, they wasted 2-5 years flogging a dead horse.
Get the courage to quit.
- Forgiving a cheating wife
Most men can rationalise their wife’s infidelity. After all, kids are involved. And you want a good family. Also, societal image and all. But forgiving a cheating wife has its own repercussions. For one, she will never respect you. You will always be a loser in her eyes. And she will stick around maybe if you have more resources, or she lacks options.
Also, as a man, it will never sit well with you, and you will resent her. And the thought of her cheating, doing all those things with another man will drive you nuts daily. You will never be the same guy.
Often, you are better off forgiving her and quitting. And work on yourself.
- Spending Too Much on Black Tax
Black tax is the bane of many a well-to-do man in Africa. Most men usually spend too much lifting up their family and for some even their wife’s family, for those who marry down, which is often the case.
But without good judgement, most men have ended up expending all their resources trying to lift up their kin and sometimes it is just too much.
Helping is the right thing. But remember, you will never solve all the world’s problem
Have a ceiling of how much you are willing to help. Remember receivers are never limited in their expectations. But as a giver you only have so much. Don’t neglect your family, but more importantly, don’t neglect yourself.
- Spending too Much Time and Resources on the Wrong Women
Often, when I hang out with my richer friends, there is always a bunch of light-skinned women, or dark-skinned women with an ass to die for. I can understand the erotic excitement such women generate on us men. Ratchetry has its own gifts. I mean, that wild senator is a whole vibe privately and I can understand why the mugithi singer is confused.
But not knowing a time and place for such girls is the ruin of most men. Most men neglect their wives and even their children to entertain the good-time girls. And good-time girls are very good at chopping money, stroking your chest and ego, while receiving your strokes in a way that your wife can’t. But if your ship sinks, they desert it like rats.
Know when and how to handle women. High value simps more so who stumble on money later in life are ungovernable. But like a shooting star, they burn themselves too fast.
- Failing to Cultivate Good Relationships With Your Siblings/First Family
Bro, old age is tough and lonely. I kid you not. If there is a room to cultivate a friendly relationship with your family do it. Forgive your dad and forge a new relationship. Sort that mess with your mom. Hang out more often with your siblings. Let your kids get to know each other. Create a routing and family traditions. Give out money to family but more importantly give out time.
But only to those who deserve and those who are good for your mental health. Most old and lonely people failed to cultivate good friendships and familial relationships.
Cultivate them if you can.
- Not Knowing Real Friends from Drinkibg Buddies
Most of us don’t even hang out with our best friends as frequently as we should. Most best friends don’t even drink. Thus we end up spending time with party animals and drinking buddies, whose friendship begins and ends in a bar.
When tragedy strikes, every one asks, kwani, he didn’t have friends?
Listen guys, after 23, you must know your circles. The inner circle. The second circle and the third circle. Inner circle is family and friends you know they will fly from Melbourne to come and attend your funeral. Second circle are good, respectable guys that you get along. Enjoy a drink. Do a project together. But down the line they may or you can drop them and there will never be bad blood between the two of you. The third circle is for those come-and-go types. People you meet in a neighbourhood you move to, colleagues at work or various places, drinking buddies.
Respect each circle and have the boundaries and the knowledge to know who each person is in your life. Don’t overrated your importance in people’s lives. Don’t overrated other people’s importance in your life.
- Take Good Care of Your Health
Bro. Stop drinking. Or go slow on liquor. Nothing good comes out of liquor. Eat good foods. Go organic. Eat less. Kick that kitam out. Hydrate. Work out. Ten years from now, you will he grateful you chose a better lifestyle.